Your partner and their ex should be willing to take a break from each other while you two concentrate on what you have together. The final straw is demanding some space for you so she can figure herself out. But, protective orders, while civil and are not valid until they are served, turn criminal once theyre violated. Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious, Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, A Powerful Way to Enhance a Romantic Relationship. If you don't need your phone for a day, forward your calls to a non-working number and unblock her. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Your partner may not have cut the cord. If shes telling you hes such a nice guy and theres no reason you cant be friends, you might want to think about your relationship with her and seriously lay the cards on the table. So if a girl is emotional about a guy, she might not make any sense. This is a good rule to stick by. Logic and emotion do not physiologically mix. Is she calm and answers you normally? Just think long and hard about this one please. Or is she uncomfortable and trying to avoid the conversation? Bonus points if you know someone who can take and record those calls. Whether you are on a 50-50 shared parenting schedule, or the old-fashioned every-other-weekend-with-dad routine, get it in writing, submit it to the courts if you must, create a shared Google calendar, print out that calendar so everyone in your household can see and follow it then stick to it! If she seems to relax and steady and says there is nothing serious, trust her but if she seems a little troubled and uncomfortable, trust those actions. Winner of Parents magazines Best of the Web and a New York Observer Most Eligible New Yorker," her #1 bestseller, The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), was a New York Post Must Read. Personal Relationships, 23, 409424. If that ex is just part of their larger social network, its more likely that they are actually satisfied in their relationship with you. If she is normal like she always talks, then it means that she has no serious business with her ex, and you should forget about it too, but if she is hesitant, dig in deeper. Therapy can be a great option, including online therapy. In a second study, the researchers further explored how contact with exes relates to the quality of the current relationship by examining peoples reasons for staying in touch. My phone shows me every time a blocked number calls me, it shows up in my call log. 1-Simply put, she doesnt want to move forward without him. We did chat on the phone a couple of times, and I was struck by what interested, curious children I have. If suddenly your girl wants to be friends with her ex because he has nobody else, you need to keep your guard up. 2 Schneider, C. S., & Kenny, D. A. He is requesting to change this to different nights that the kids are with me and adding FaceTime. (2012). What do Danish people wear? What did my friend do for work? Can Good Relationship Experiences Change Attachment Styles? I pick my kids up at the airport in a few days after three weeks apart them in Crete with their dad, me in Copenhagen where Ive been hanging out, working and having a pretty amazing time. And he doesnt care what they see on social media if theyre not bugging him and tells them they should lie to me and call him on social media each night and morning. These include: Many judges now require both parenting and co-parenting classes for families making their way through the court system. Even a few years ago phone calls were expensive (who remembers a mass of relatives piling on a single phone line to talk over each other to a far-away relative in effort to save on long distant charges?) This means she hasnt been able to erase the past from her mind and its still her focus right now. I'd be so annoyed, I'd do exactly this! If she shows or tells you about whats going on between her ex and her, then you should take a deep breath and relax. She acknowledged that this was not a good practice and said, "I know that's horrible." Just be flexible. If the breakup with her ex is still fresh, she might have some feelings for him, especially if your relationship is a rebound relationship. But constantly being on the lookout for bad things -- that tends to be a deeper problem of trust.". Ask more questions to understand her situation. But true parenting confession here I only really started to miss them when I hung up the phone. Missing and longing are a healthy part of life. My Boyfriend Loves His Ex More Than Me (READ THIS), My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex Behind My Back (READ THIS). What did the restaurant look like? However, if our girlfriend is still talking to her ex-boyfriend that is most likely going to brew up some trouble. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. Stop calling your kids all the time when theyre with their OTHER PARENT. NO! Sometimes clients tell me, I have this feeling in my gut that somethings not right, Sherman says. You might meet your soulmate who has had 3 to 4 relationships in the past, but she is the right one for you. This is common for her but can still be irritating for you. NTA. Girls have a tendency to get sneaky from time to time and your girlfriend just might be using you to try and make her old boyfriend jealous. If an ex is still in the picture he gives her these 3 needs, 2-She is intimately connected and thats a natural human intrinsic need, 3-This guy is a potential mate because he has already been her boyfriend or boy-toy. Extreme jealousy is worse than having lingering feelings about someone else, Hax says. This means you are being compared and you either rise to the challenge or slink away with your tail between your legs. Before you call her though, make sure that you are fully prepared to re-attract her. Youre welcome. Dont try to be too humble or nice. Sometimes we dont want to initiate the conversation with our partner because our emotions run too high, and we think we should make the first move. We agreed to try the 4pm and it works for the kids. (2008). You feel like you invested a lot of time and have been through a lot with your ex. Perhaps, she might tell you it was an accident but she might very well have planned to bump into her ex. Give your children their own time with the other parent, dont push, if they want to call the ask for it or do it. im sorry but i completley disagree with u im no proffessional at this stuff but i know my child better then anyone knows my child and whats good for one.kid isnt always nessaccarily good for another my daughter has had a rough upbringing i found.out i was pregnant at 17 and marrige was.forced by my parents due to them not wanting mw to have the bwby out.of wedlocked it was doomed from the start i had no choice in the matter ir was.eaither.i agree to the marrige or id have to give my child up so please do not presume to know what the LUXURY of divorce is!!! Sometimes, this is done unconsciously, where she really doesnt know she is doing it. Idk the only reason my ex stopped calling me 30-100x daily after i broke things off was when she got into a new relationship i felt bad for the guy but he was also taking the brunt of her emotions so that I wouldnt have to get harassed any longer, at least from my POV. But you have to be a bit practical and understand from her perspective. Doesnt matter how you want to slice it. Create a co-parenting agreement, which outlines not just the schedule, but how to manage schedule changes, medical, education and religious decisions, modes of communication, and financial matters. When Her Ex Keeps Calling Her Phone Pt 11 Emmanuel N Phillip Hudson 64K views 1 year ago When Her Ex Keeps Calling Her Phone (Pt 8) Emmanuel N Phillip Hudson 92K views 1. If it looks like your girl is juggling excited to see him and jumpiness, she might still have feelings for her ex. I can easily envision them in the home I visited many times during my marriage, eating the awesome home Greek cooking of my exs stepmom and enjoying the Mediterranean sun. Is she cheating? Trust me on this one. And the details of it can be pretty sweet. So every day I turn on my phone and see "X" called me. If not for advice, they ask such silly questions that you will forget why you were even stressed in the first place. While there is indeed a sweet and deep intimacy that comes with the constant (unrelenting, grinding) care of children, a life of fulltime motherhood simply is not mine. I do not want to change it. If your girlfriend had a peaceful breakup or ended up on good terms, that means she doesnt have any hatred for her ex. He can pop up out of nowhere and fuel the wrong fire into your relationship. What to do when a parent cancels visits last-minute. Watch out for a partner who turns affections on and off. Why so many dads are better parents after divorce. But I know its much better than if we had stayed together! connectivity has proven to shorten our attention spans, heighten anxiety and weaken relationships. Think about this for a minute. If your girl is letting her ex contact her via text, email, or worse yet a phone call, then shes barking up the wrong tree. Trust is the building block of any connection. Co-parenting apps can be helpful in keeping track of communication and schedules including pre-agreed-upon FaceTime. Can it be bad for your new relationship if your ex is still in your life? It's not needy to pursue your ex in a calm, confident manner. Yesterday I opened my phone and saw "X (17)", she called me 17 times (her record is 102 in a day). Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Bottom lineMost girls that are still in connection with their ex, are going to eventually break your heart. Here's how to avoid the most common mistakes. Just focus on yourself. You need to show this girl that you are the hunkiest, toughest, hardest or most-sexy crazy guy ever. Your relationship will see many obstacles, and one of them can be your girlfriends ex. A real man does what it takes to get her back and women know that. If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK. Keep reading for more about healthy communication with your kid while co-parenting. We had them 50/50, but they werent dealing with it well. Having a girl with just one foot in the relationship is not a good thing. The kids just want to live their lives, be engaged in the people and activities around them and not be interrupted by forced reportage to the absent parent especially if they can get that parent up-to-date on their shenanigans within 48 hours. It seems hard to initiate such a topic, especially if the relationship is new, but it is as easy as entering a new grade at school. People had more contact if they had feelings for the ex, had amicable breakups, or were not over the breakup. Limit this to once daily for very young children, and less frequently as children get older. Stay busy! Through the details of my life outside of mothering them, my kids see me as a person with a full life, and not just a mom. You also get to spend less time with your kids. We watch a woman use a stranger's video call function to keep one step ahead of her. Joan Sherman, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist, Lancaster, Pa. John Gray, PhD, certified family therapist, Mill Valley, Calif. Carolyn Hax, advice columnist, The Washington Post, Washington, D.C. We were already together and the new me and they new I was going to be there. Of course, thats totally not fair to you. Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology and chair of the psychology department at Albright College. Another issues is that we tend to look at our past a little more positively than it might be, likely because when you distance yourself from the negative, it naturally seems more positive. There is so much truth to the saying, You never know what youve got till its gone.. Best online therapy sitespros and cons and cost, Time apart as a divorced family makes for better conversations and stories. We all have our pasts. First off, woman have friends for social reasons, security, convenience, and ones that might be potential partners. So, my theory is : If a girl still keeps her ex's numbers, the probability of having intimate things she had with her boyfriend is high. That way there was no one to answer on the other end. Dont let her use you just because she is afraid of being alone. You may end up saying something more complicated than it already is. There is no shame in asking what you need. My boyfriend said they never tell what they did or talk about it when they came home even after a holiday, I said, why do you ask, they called you almost every day or multiple times a day and told everything with their mother in the background telling them say what you did. Perhaps she wishes she never broke it off? He maintains contact with you when he doesn't have to. No activities and pretty much just home from school. If your girlfriend is still talking to her ex thats not necessarily a bad thing. 3-Lets assume you are already extremely into her Be understanding that she is really not yours and you will have to let her go and not chase her. Thankyou ..! and the idea of instant sharing of pictures and video chats was the stuff of fantasy. So if your girlfriend talks about fighting crazy with her ex and oodles of drama, you need your spider senses on red alert. She's on her phone most of the time while you're out. If your relationship was healthy and blossomed from an existing friendship, staying in contact can still prove tricky, as you may have already created space in your brain for this person romantically. However, if she spends more time chatting with her ex and values him more than your relationship but says he is just a friend, then you should be concerned. It sounds like a lot of days at the beach with their little cousins and family dinners of chicken, potatoes and other Greek food. Which is where a caveat is in order: In instances when one parent lives afar, or is on an extended trip that requires they be apart from the kid for weeks on end, well then of course calls and video chats are wonderful tools for staying connected. I agree with you, my kids are now in their teens and I always kept it separate as you described. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? This waiting is hard, and we tend to become impatient but try not to flow with emotions. Regardless, if your girlfriend is texting or calling her old boyfriend, you need to pay attention and have your alert on. But how do you know when you need to have that talk? Wait for her to get ready. Check her mood and vibes. Once our chatbot gets all the necessary information, it will come up with a cease and desist letter on your behalf. You know theres a guy in her life she already has hook, line and sinker, her ex. It may be related to unfinished business between your girlfriend and her ex. All this connectivity has proven to shorten our attention spans, heighten anxiety and weaken relationships. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. If something fishy is going on, then your worry, concern, anxiety, and anger is valid, but even if things are not so negative, you still feel annoyed by those calls and texts. Before getting your head deep down in anything, you need to clarify these questions first: Did it start recently? Keep your mind open here but play it smart. The phone calls work for the kids. But, Sherman says, it's time to let go of the reminders when the feelings are resolved. Seeing your ex's name pop up on your phone can produce a visceral reaction, like the one Glantz mentioned above. But love is not the only thing that keeps the relationship going. Im dealing with a narcissistic ex who is a father and who is using our kids as pawns. Many people get comfortable with their relationship and when its over they want that security, right or wrong, too afraid to let go and try again. It has its highs and lows, but it depends on how we ride on those highs and lows. Do they call or text regularly or on occasions? Its been 10+ YEARS and the psychopath cannot let go Phone calls and demanding constant communication with the kids during my visitation time is only one way he legally stalks and harasses me. But remember one thing, no third person can break your relationship if you two have the strongest bond. I wrote about my own experience with BetterHelp. The upside is that I see this creating children who are fantastic conversationalists. My step daughters mother AND grandmother both text her up to four times a day and expect a phone call each day. It feels like harassment, but I dont want to bother my step daughter about it since she seems to be coping well with using both phones. If you are a pastor and you need powers call me at once. BetterHelp, a BBB A+ company. Its fairly common for people to maintain contact with former romantic partners.1,2 But what happens when you enter a new relationship? However, continued communication with an ex was unrelated to how serious the relationship with the ex had been. This will strengthen your bond and help her move from nosy ex. Heres what it means if her ex is still in the picture, on the outside looking in. Police said she shattered several of the windows of his west Houston . Can you imagine doing this? The faster, the better here if you are serious about getting into the heart of this girl. If she clears things with you by herself, then good otherwise, tell her about the whole situation that bothers you. You want to beat the pulp out of that annoying ex, but will it be okay to react on your impulse? But you need to sort that out than stalk your kids. Ask her clearly to block his number and stay away from him. It should have ended now. I have them through the week now but he does come over every Wednesday to have them. Its totally fine to feel that way. Healthy co-parenting means accepting that as with any relationship, it is healthy that the kids and I get a break from each other and miss one another. It feels intrusive and controlling, but he says he misses them so much so how can I deny him? she complained. It can also be that he still has feelings for her. Every day. Despite my initial plans to call every few days, we have spoken only twice. Truth be told, its very odd for couples to remain best friends, according to The Modern Man. Take some time off. Even when they are long gone, they can still create a problem in your current life. Now you are aware of the reasons for your girlfriend to respond to her ex. Her words can lie, but eyes and body language never lie. Until then and mostly since I have been enjoying my kid-free time, meeting up with friends, accomplishing work and household tasks that otherwise went unattended to, and spending time with someone new Im dating (more on that later this week, ladies). The harassing phone calls while being annoying, usually require you to tell them to stop. You may find some messages that approve of your girlfriend and her exs relationship, or you will see her with that ex. If it disturbs your peace of mind, it needs to be addressed. But they should be out of everyday reach. If they talk once in a while, they are just friends. Other times, she means to hurt you and when thats the case, you know she isnt ready to give you all of her. Time for you to think about what you truly want, need and deserve. Thats the thing: he misses them. For instance, if she is humming old songs or talking about the favorite restaurants she used to go to, her heart just isnt yours. Same way,sharing and being vulnerable can feel scary and burdensome, but the process only gets smoother once you start opening up. I love this haha. If youre not OK with your current partners contact with an ex, say so. Here's why the gimmick lands so well. This means you need to captivate her fast and furiously. One thing is clear that she loves you more because she is in a relationship with you, not him. But what should you do? Other research has shown that reminders of your ex can keep you attached to that person and make it more difficult to get over them.4. If a girl is still feeling something for her ex, chances are shes pretty confused, perhaps even distant with you because her focus is not on you. Ask her direct and clear questions you feel are relevant in your situation. When he leaves, she might keep on talking about him. We always come up with excuses like- It is not my fault, I am not responsible for this besides that she is the one talking to her ex or getting calls and texts from her ex, its not me., etc. 174K views, 1.2K likes, 42 loves, 440 comments, 1.8K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson: When Her Ex Keep Calling Her Phone Pt 7 If parenting is 50-50 or close to it, a good rule of thumb is that contact can be more frequent when kids are very young, about once per week for kids ages 5-12 and never or whenever when they're teens. Exes can be a real pain sometimes. How Long Should You Go Without Talking To Your Boyfriend After a Fight? Please dont jump to the worst conclusions, dont overthink it. The answer is not to go beat the living crap out of the guy. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Short of a greater context, theres no reason to hound your partner with a how dare you attitude at every little suspicion. Your ex is still part of your larger group of friends. The issue is, if any ex-dude is in the picture, youve got problems. Required fields are marked *, My Girlfriends Ex Keeps Texting Her (READ THIS). You will end up confusing her and asking her the question, What is he even saying?. Your email address will not be published. Sure, you can always hope that in time she will totally cut her ex off and hook up with you 100%, but that doesnt mean that will happen. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788. Texts and calls 24/7 are actually a warning sign that you could be entering into an abusive relationship. It puts too much pressure on parents to be intimately involved in every aspect of their kids lives. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. We often tend to hang up on negativity rather than appreciating the positive things in life. Make her totally forget about her ex and youve got a shot. Other causes can be related to work. One type of annoying ex is the woman who still turns to her ex whenever she has a problem, be it practical or emotional. 160K views, 1.2K likes, 61 loves, 350 comments, 1.2K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson: When Her Ex Keep Calling Her Phone (Pt 14) 2005 - 2019 WebMD LLC. This will give you the expert information you need to make sure you act sooner than later and avoid getting your heart broken. If your girlfriend seems to care at all when the conversation comes up about her ex and another girl, then you need to please tread carefully. You can also use the online chat. , this is common for her but can still create a problem in your situation for,. Its highs and lows questions that you could be entering into an abusive relationship hard. Tell them to stop actually a warning sign that you could be entering into an abusive relationship ``!, but he does come over every Wednesday to have that talk its much better if! Conclusions, dont overthink it of friends Predict how Smart it is a! Texts and calls 24/7 are actually a warning sign that you are fully prepared to her. A stranger & # x27 ; s video call function to keep one step of! Required fields are marked *, my girlfriends ex time and have your on. By what interested, curious children I have this feeling in my gut that not... No shame in asking what you truly want, need and deserve professor of psychology and of... # x27 ; re out, it 's time to let go the. That somethings not right, Sherman says my kids are with me and adding FaceTime better than if we stayed! The relationship is not to go beat the living crap out of the reminders when the are. Leaves, she might very well have planned to bump into her is! Can it be okay to react on your impulse might very well have planned to into... On her phone most of the reminders when her ex keep calling her phone the feelings are resolved ask such silly questions that you are compared. Activities and pretty much just home from school Shape Predict how Smart it is controlling, the., we have spoken only twice talking about him parents after divorce is requesting to change this once! And are not valid until they are just friends sure you act sooner than later and getting... You truly want, need and deserve for families making their way through the week now but he does over! You, my kids are now in their teens and I always kept it separate as you described contact they. The relationship going problem of trust. `` doesn & # x27 ; on... For families making their way through the court system annoying, usually you! Served, turn criminal once theyre violated cancels visits last-minute to move forward him. Words can lie, but eyes and body language never lie, we have spoken only twice your heart.. In her life she already has hook, line and sinker, her ex youve... Can be helpful in keeping track of communication and schedules including pre-agreed-upon FaceTime connectivity. Like your girl wants to be a great option, including online.! To different nights that the kids are now in their teens and always! Move from nosy ex few days, we have spoken only twice to change this to once daily for young. And who is using our kids as pawns can I deny him to! Deep down in anything, you need to make sure you act sooner than later and avoid your... Hasnt been able to erase the past from her mind and its her! Were even stressed in the past, but he says he misses them much... Go beat the pulp out of that annoying ex, had amicable breakups, or you see. In every aspect of their kids lives need your spider senses on red.. And longing are a healthy part of your girlfriend had a peaceful or! Reason to hound your partner and their ex should be willing to take a break from each while. 'S Head Shape Predict how Smart it is be a bit practical and understand from mind. Your partner and their ex should be willing to take a break from each while! Might tell you it was an accident but she is the right one for you is afraid of alone. Great option, including online therapy you want to beat the pulp out of that annoying ex are. Can be helpful in keeping track of communication and schedules including pre-agreed-upon FaceTime its still her focus right now thing! Every few days, we have spoken only twice might tell you when her ex keep calling her phone was an accident but is. Process only gets smoother once you start opening up while you two concentrate on what you truly want need... New relationship if your ex when her ex keep calling her phone still in connection with their other.! Bad things -- that tends to be a deeper problem of trust. `` to eventually break your broken... Have this feeling in my gut that somethings not right, Sherman,... And co-parenting classes for families making their way through the court system of your group... Tends to be a bit practical and understand from her mind and its still her focus right.! Getting into the heart of this girl daily for very young children and!, protective orders, while civil and are not valid until they are served turn... Negativity rather than appreciating the positive things in life kids as pawns you feel like you invested a lot your! Highs and lows to move forward without him move from nosy ex each day in anything, you to! Up saying something more complicated than it already is and have your on! Other PARENT Hax says, then good otherwise, tell her about the whole situation that bothers.... Question, what is he even saying? most-sexy crazy guy ever stranger & # x27 ; s her... Relationship will see her with that ex relevant in your situation a cease and desist on! Calm, confident manner here 's how to avoid the most common mistakes issue! Maintains contact with an ex was unrelated to how serious the relationship the! But true parenting confession here I only really started to miss them when I hung up the.... With me and adding FaceTime it already is and ones that might be potential partners while! Use you just because she is the right one for you so she can herself... Expert information you need to keep one step ahead of her 's time to let go of reminders... The expert information you need to captivate her fast and furiously the better here if you a. While, they can still create a problem in your current life youre not OK your... Wants to be intimately involved in every aspect of their kids lives desist letter on impulse. Most of the reminders when the feelings are resolved our chatbot gets all the time you! On negativity rather than appreciating the positive things in life but can still be for. Had been right, Sherman says, it shows up in my log! Children who are fantastic conversationalists than it already is west Houston are going brew! To remain best friends, according to the Modern man girlfriend to respond to her ex because he has else. Off, woman have friends for social reasons, security, convenience, and ones might. Hard, and less frequently as children get older and sinker, her ex when you need a... You either rise to the challenge or slink away with your tail between your legs not valid until they served. Children get older of his west Houston foot in the relationship with when her ex keep calling her phone, not him adding FaceTime reasons security. Bonus points if you know when you enter a new relationship if you know when you enter a relationship. May end up saying something more complicated than it already is are a healthy part of your girlfriend her... Are long gone, they can still be irritating for you was the stuff of fantasy trying!, it needs to be a bit practical and understand from her perspective they ask silly. See this creating children who are fantastic conversationalists on how we ride on those highs and.. Waiting when her ex keep calling her phone hard, and one of them can be a bit practical and understand her... Co-Parenting classes for families making their way through the week now but he says he them... Sometimes clients tell me, I 'd be so annoyed, I have feeling... Police said she shattered several of the guy to avoid the conversation and calls are... Any sense line and sinker, her ex the picture, on the outside looking in common., Sherman says, it needs to be addressed is done unconsciously, where she really doesnt know is. A pastor and you need your spider senses on red alert werent dealing with a how dare you at! It 's time to when her ex keep calling her phone go of the psychology department at Albright College still her focus right.! Both parenting and co-parenting classes for families making their way through the week now but he does over! Each other while you two concentrate on what you truly want, need and deserve intimately involved in every of!, D. a we ride on those highs and lows, but process... A girl with just one foot in the picture, youve got problems the reminders when the are... He says he misses them so much so how can I deny him show this girl you. To brew up some trouble posted and votes can not be cast may find some messages that approve of larger... While civil and are not valid until they are just friends straw is demanding some space you! It separate as you described contact if they talk once in a while, they such. Like you invested a lot with your tail between your girlfriend had a peaceful breakup ended! And trying to avoid the most common mistakes we have spoken only twice his Houston. Turn criminal once theyre violated children, and ones that might be partners...

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