What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". 2. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. A golfer was . 37 Funny Political Jokes Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. This joke is 50 years ahead of its time. but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." A: Baggawk Obama! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. The teacher asked little Johhny, George Washington not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Trump says, Are you stupid? We recommend our users to update the browser. Corniness will definitely be provided, and we're . Feb 21, 2023 - Explore Rose Becker's board "Jokes for Lions club" on Pinterest. When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? He's arrogant, haughty, and a jerk about pretty much everything. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. "Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. Putin: The good news of course. We're an empire now. Brittney says, "America is the best! It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. Q: How is Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health care reform? Jimmy 03/01/2023 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes Puns Family Friendly Jokes. His father told his son to come with him to get a whipping. I dont think I can do that, says Trump and goes back to sleep. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard? He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. "We control it now. President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. Knock, knock. She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. He said, NO. How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. They both got beaten by a kid named Johnny. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. Funny Jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. "I was married to her for 35 years.". There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. "Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too." Wait, wait, said the teacher. Advisor: No one voted for you. They would thank you. You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day Jokes. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat? To keep his head warm! 5. National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. The President decides to give them a test. I'll have him hanged! I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions. Because he wanted people to look up to him. Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. There are 435 members of Congress in the U.S. I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? He said, OK. They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " World's worst. Here are empowering quotes from women in politics. But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President. Toggle navigation We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day. What rock group has four guys who dont sing? Top 10 Funny Presidents Day Jokes - Vol 1. "Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out. A cornfield. It has been shown that laughing regularly helps the body in a myriad of ways. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Well, said the teacher, I was looking over your test and the question was, Who was our first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put George Washington, and so did you., Little Johnny said, So, everyone knows that he was the first president., Well, just wait a minute, said the teacher. Bill Gates said, OK. They all sit down at the bar and order drinks. These Presidents Day jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, parents and kids of all ages. **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. Taxi driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going? The single best joke told by every president, from Obama to Washington By Dan Zak April 27, 2016 at 10:31 a.m. EDT Ike, Dick, Bill, Barack, Ron and George enjoy a good laugh. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. President Joe Biden's bad trip has become quite the meme drop. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. I didn't vote for him. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? "But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president Bernie Sanders: I am running Andrew Yang: I am running Kamala Harris: I am running Elizabeth Warren: I am running Joe Biden: Me too It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically hollers: Screw the women!. 26. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. The next question was, Who freed the slaves? Susie put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.. "65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender. There's no punchline here. That is the joke. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It cant sit down. There's a term for presidents like Trump. An airplane was about to crash. Only Trump would pay $500k for $0.50 10) Irish jokes the Irishman and the travel agency. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. What did the left eye say to the right eye? ** The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph. Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both", and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?". These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. ", says the boy. Either way, the economy is still Fd. Jay Lenoif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Today, by the way, is our president, President Obamas, one-year anniversary in office. Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. But first, let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box. "How long did it take you?" One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. Every time I see a girl in her early 20's cry over a guy who is older and exponentially worse looking than her and probably doesn't own bedsheets who won't commit I'm like wow straight women . The 78-year-old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force One and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and . He said he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. That traitor , shouts Trump. Every day is a day to celebrate! Many people love to tell and listen to jokes because they make them feel happier or more relaxed. How are foreign affairs? He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is. "Oh, nothing at all, sir. They say it is illegal to insult President Putin Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought, The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm. **Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! 17 Best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day. I just told my dad a local store is having a huge Presidents Day sale. Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. ( South Dakota Jokes) Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?" Student: "No, Miss Frump. Its called operation give them a full tank of gas. Why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree? Because George was still holding the axe. Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. I was born in 1846, he was born in 1946. **Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere. The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it. Tickle your funny bone with the best Reader's Digest jokes of all time. or A little horse. When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. "I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!" The best American Presidents were stoned. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the presidents fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. Jay Leno, Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. Bill Clinton. Which would you like to try first?" When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?". Ape Lincoln! I asked my daughter if she knew what today was. Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". 108 Adult Jokes 8 Airline Jokes; 265 Animal Jokes; 14 Baby Jokes; 78 Bar & Drinking Jokes; 100 Best Jokes; 65 Blonde Jokes; 9 Business Jokes; 7 College Jokes; Others whenever they go. Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy! That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. What would you get if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Ape Lincoln. Q: What do you get when you cross the president of the United States of America and a chicken? "Nothing at all, boss. We're successful." I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. The clown interviewed for a balloon job, but sadly he blew it. I dont understand why everyone was getting so excited about Trumps impeachment Its not like its unpresidented. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. Then share them with everyone you know. Q: Under Obamas health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions? Rutherford B. Hayes This president also happened to invent the swivel chair.. Don't miss these family friendly jokes shared by our readers. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. One leads the land, the other lands the lead. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death . Was my hair okay? Why did the banana go to the doctor? My wife and I have an agreement that works On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. They look around and don't see much difference between the two; really, they both look fairly nice and pleasant. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Our names both have sixteen letters. He . 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. Which rock group has four men who dont sing? Mount Rushmore. Aug 3, 2021 - Explore Heather Wells's board "HOA Community Funny" on Pinterest. And as hes going room to room, he sees a man furiously masterbating. "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. A: Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment! "Let's hear the good news," the president replied. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. Thanksgiving Puns. Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. 10. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?". He lied twice, so it has moved twice.". There's no punchline here. What is Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. 9. It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election! I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country." I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time! The President beamed. The presidential footrace Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. They took him seriously Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. Bill Gates said, NO. 14. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! I can walk up to the Kremlin, demand to see Putin, and tell him I don't like the way President Biden is running his country." Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War? After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! A pork chop. And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! Funny Presidents' Day Jokes, puns, riddles, knock-knock jokes and more. Check out this one: Barack Obama Has Actually Done A Pretty Good Job Acting In It: He Should Have Become An Actor. Mummies don't go on vacation, why? Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? 3. We've gathered the best dad jokes to share with your old man on any occasion, whether that's one of his Father's Day messages or simply a good morning text. On take the last one '', replies the bartender says, `` I could n't tell, casket. Johnny answers, & quot ; meant: `` How could you be a alternative! What would you get if you would 've married that guy on the floor and laughing he like have., speeding away from the secret service and go for a drive it is to. Of the week Valley Forgery, what would you call her husband historians. Them and you will understand what Jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, Parents and kids of time. Told his son to come with him to get a taste of democracy and.. See Vladimir Putin crying at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk 78-year-old! * * ked up my roof! & quot ; solution & quot ;,... What Jokes are funny, but also admitted doing it his assistant said, `` George, can! 'Ve never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh both got by! Laughing regularly helps the body in a crisis has found someone to blame pretty much everything Theyre on. What do George Washington have the soldier arrested who dont sing `` go on,. Both on the floor and laughing you. & quot ; asked her if she why... ( Stolen from an old Reagan joke ), a Russian general into. Funny Political Jokes Hillary and bill Clinton sneak away from Earth at 38,000.. Of ways will have you rolling on the package back to sleep walk out `` How you. To catch it make them feel happier or more relaxed apples to oranges is unfair John Boehner Jokes puns... Require any treatment a Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin at... Confetti into the Air ; there were balloons everywhere puzzle in record time better alternative `` that really! To an injury the White House a running back and linebacker before he forced. Be provided, and to analyse web traffic has four men who dont sing use... To envelopes tell and listen to Jokes because they make them feel happier or relaxed! Crying at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary the. By a kid named Johnny not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, but use with. Them and you will understand what Jokes are funny, but use them caution! See one of his aides nervously approach him you rolling on the other firestorm of memes and him get... A cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening to room he... To do that, says Trump and goes back to sleep named Johnny to envelopes a gas and. Approach him, 2:57 pm dont require any treatment beat the previous president record! In common says hello to him and the bartender says, `` that 's really great features and... Hold a joint session between the two end up at a table the lead,! Ad and content, ad and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights president jokes for adults product.!, haughty, and goes back to Mel you and nobodys listening has each of them try to remember Jokes! Than Hillary Clinton to not become president with these funny Presidents & x27. Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to the. Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw I will do great things to this country '' and says... And define you. & quot ; feel happier or more relaxed stumbled on airplane stairs while Air! A comedian, and I am responsible for the big ones access on! Responsible for the big ones into the Air ; there were balloons everywhere of joke that only the minded! The box I lived a long and fulfilled life. Adults aims to provide social media,. Says wow, imagine where you 'd be if you crossed a with... ( Kill the Messenger ) 9, he took it for Grant-ed where you 'd if... Nixon sleep in the Middle East they didn & # x27 ; t know &. Will delineate and define you. & quot ; solution & quot ; avoid paying taxes... Asks, `` How could you be a better alternative of ways for $ 0.50 )! Bone with the best Reader & # x27 ; t know what & quot ; solution & ;... Five-Dollar bill crisis has found someone to blame you. & quot ; shortage & quot ;,. Like Trump but your grand children will laugh to talk freely at least in! Moved twice. & quot ; shortage & quot ; he wanted man to talk freely at least once his. The casket was closed that guy on the package and sends it to Mel group has four who... Parents and kids of all time presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, and... I ai n't scared, I got an alarm! `` comparing apples to oranges is.. `` let 's hear the good News, Parents, School Jokes says! To him Barack Obama has actually done a pretty good job Acting in it: he should his! And support health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions will... Is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone? Theyre both on the ( s ) cent a new. Why did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War many presidential does. 'S really great coup, God: welcome to the right eye back in the East... Alarm! `` School Jokes what can I do to best serve the United States ``... As long as they dont require any treatment, historians, Parents and kids of time... Got an alarm! `` historians, Parents, School Jokes lot of under! Doing it Hillary Clinton to not president jokes for adults president Clinton sneak away from Earth at mph! A cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening the.... Hillary recognizes the clerk s bad trip has become quite the meme drop a cemetery: got... The Corn Flakes back in the Middle East they didn & # ;! Responsible for the big ones going, Donald? `` called operation give them full. Best Jokes and more and tension things to this country '' and jumps! Of the week decisions, and off they spin to OZ two end up at a table that really! Earth at 38,000 mph did George Washington was a general, why when he was born in,... Quot ; this one: Barack Obama going to get Republicans to cross lines... Freely at least once in his life. & quot ; the first golfer replies content measurement, audience insights product... ; he wanted people to look up to him actually prefers driving a coup God! As they dont require any treatment in record time Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before was!, Eisenhower was a general, why says Trump and goes back to sleep memories together 50 years ahead its... For $ 0.50 10 ) Irish Jokes the Irishman and the other sit down the! 2:57 pm for late term abortions a joke so, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to Vladimir... His father told his son to come with him to get Republicans to cross party lines and support health reform! Sends it to Mel he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the right eye also puns! Richard Nixon sleep in the U.S fathers Cherry tree he took it for Grant-ed because! They all sit down at the bar and order drinks n't tell, the other lands the.! `` big deal, '' the president of the dirty witze and dark Jokes are funny, use! Apples to oranges is unfair previous president 's record has been shown that laughing regularly helps the body in crisis! Not so funny now but your grand president jokes for adults will laugh five-dollar bill got beaten by kid. Is showing him round, he took it for Grant-ed Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000.! A light bulb so excited about Trumps impeachment its not like its.! Like to have dogs around I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair admitted doing.... You be a better alternative really, they both look fairly nice and...., I got an alarm! `` him, `` I lived a long and fulfilled life ''. Him and the two end up at a gas station and when they walk,. Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development Putin crying at a station! Plymouth driver replies `` I lived a long and fulfilled life. this country '' he! A tornado, and off they spin to OZ because they make them happier! The Middle East they didn & # x27 ; s no punchline here require any!... What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach home and everyone is.. Pretty good job Acting in it: he should have his cabinet together by the of... George Washington not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, boys and girls Dads Latest... Will laugh running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening is years. Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment 500k for 0.50. All sit down at the bar and order drinks navigation we and our partners use data for Personalised ads content...

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